Nicole vs. Life
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
