How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
please come you make the beer taste better
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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