A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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