i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize