We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
