if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize