I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you would pick up someone in the library
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
