I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
