last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
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