I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
