Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
