He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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