Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
