When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
