Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
