Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
