eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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