Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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