so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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