my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
