In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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