Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
