go do what you do best...puke behind churches
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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