He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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