I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
