Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
