your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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