mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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