There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
