im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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