there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
