fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
