i need an iv and a liver transplant
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
