I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
