it was like his penis was on wheels.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
