I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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