you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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