And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize