Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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