This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
