I CAN MOONWALK!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
