I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
