they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
