you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
