When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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