If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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