I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
