idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
