how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize