Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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