jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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