She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I cannot find my penis.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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