Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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