i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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