You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize