Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
