a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
