whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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