he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
