He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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