i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
