Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
