I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
