Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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