Me too!
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
