I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
