My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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